Again...another day

So another day goes by and after some talking and more crying than ever by me, all I wanted was for him to take me in his arms, kiss me and tell me not to cry anymore like he's done before. Tell me he still loves me very much and that our fight didn't change that....but the only thing I've gotten all day was a hug when he was leaving for work (which I feel was more for appearances because Brandon was in the room at the time. Even when he was hugging me I didn't feel like he was really wanting to. then he just turns to leave. No kiss, no I love you. Nothing. All I want is for him to show me he still cares for me. It's hard to know that when his actions haven't been backing up his words at all....I really don't think I can cry anymore. The last 3 days have worn me out so much...

What am I supposed to do??

What do I do when I try and try and TRY to let go of the trust issues I have, afraid that he's going to lie to me and sneak around, when every time I get close I find certain things said between him and a girl or he starts acting weird like he's hiding something? I love him so much and I try to make him happy by doing things to show that I care but after awhile I stopped because I get the feeling that somethings not right. I don't want to be the good GF he know is at home making sure the house is clean, he's fed, the dog is taken care of, and his laundry is done when he's acting like he IS sneaking around. We've talked about it and he swears he's not but it's been a couple months now since I stopped doing so much around the house and for him and I think it's starting to show in him a bit. He doesn't seem at all happy with me anymore. We don't have "our" nights like we used to where we'd watch a movie and eat dinner together. We don't spend hardly any quality time together at all. In my mind, being in a relationship with someone that you care about gives you the added perk of getting and giving affection and when I try and instigate the affection he gets overwhelmed because its too much for him. I would love to just have him lay next to me, put his arms around me and talk to me in the caring way he used to while giving me intermittent kisses for like 1/2 an hour. That would show me that he really cares about me and give the impression that he does in fact enjoy being around me and being with me. Sometimes all I can think of doing is crying when I feel like he doesnt care about me the way he says he does. and there have been a few times I've asked him to do something to show me how much he cares about me...nothing. He has yet to do anything. I feel such a deja'vu it's not even funny. I get more and more down every day feeling like I'm headed toward a road I've been on before. I never imagined it would be like this between us. I want him to talk to me so we can straighten things out and have a clean slate, but he says he doesn't have anything to say. So I'm left wondering what I'm supposed to do because I get the feeling that I'm losing him, but he won't talk to me.

Our biggest fight yet

Well...we just got into our biggest fight yet. He hasn't spoken 2 words to me since or I him. I don't know what to do this time. The dog had the runs the night before last and I didn't notice it until after I woke up. I knew he'd be coming home any minute after taking care of colton so I just left him to deal with it when he got home because I have picked up after that dog so many times in the past I just really didn't want to do it again when he's his dog and I knew he'd be walking through the door. If it was going to be hours away form him coming home then yeah, I would've cleaned it. but apparently since I didn't start cleaning it up before Michael got home, Michael was angry and he didn't say hardly anything to me yesterday, or last night. Then this morning he goes downstairs for almost 2 hours to talk to Tina about it and a few other things. As he was fading away on the couch I picked up his phone to plug it in and there was a message from Tina saying he shouldn't be in his situation and that it would be better to be alone than to be used. So I asked him what they talked about and why she would say that and then he mentioned he needed to vent about yesterday so he talked to her. Once he started talking about why he was angry that I didn't even bother to pick it up, I got irritated which then progressed to anger because if my kids had made a mess I know he would have left it for me to clean it up because they're my responsibility. So if the dog is his responsibility, why should it be my job to clean it up when he was gonna be home any minute anyway? I don't think it's fair for him to expect me to do certain things, if I know he wouldn't do them should the tables be turned.... We fought for a while going back and forth and I asked him why he just wouldn't say anything but talk to Tina. He says he doesn't like confrontation (which I know) but even though he may not like confrontation and would rather just push it to the back of his mind until it fades...that's not how healthy relationships are supposed to work. I told him this. That if he's upset at me we should talk about it and clear it up between us because even if he thinks ignoring it makes it go away, it does not go away. I've tried talking to him and getting him to talk to me, but he won't. NOW he gets upset and talks to others and still won't talk to me. We didn't reach a resolution to our fight, we barely talked about it and now he's not speaking to me. The only thing I've been able to do is cry and I feel like I'm in a no-win situation that doesn't seem the least bit fair.
So the whole thing is my fault because I didn't pick up after the dog when he thought I should and it's just another thing to add to the horrible list of things that went on this week.....

In a new place

What do you do when you find out that things you thought were certain, are not what they seemed to be? What do you do when you try to make things right and you seem to get nowhere? How about trying to figure out whether or not your future is going in the direction you thought it was yesterday? Some questions and more that have been on my mind and I'm not sure where to go after this.....